. . . . . .

I THOUGHT WE WERE DIFFERENT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT.
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE'D BE TOGETHER FOREVER.
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT WE'D BE GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR.
I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I REALLY BELIEVED EVERYTHING YOU SAID.

just the beginning of this year, we were still planning our lives together.
how i'd take the same course, you'll guide me along.
how we'd probably end up in the same company.
you were telling me about the houses, the prices, installments.
(wow, while writing this, i took a break of a few min so i could finish crying. how pathetic i've become)
you were even happily telling me how you would make a study room so that our children would be able to have a good environment to study in.

A few months ago(april), you were still telling me how much you love me and that we would be together forever.
you still held my hand tightly, you still hugged me closely to you.

how fast things changes,
the very next month, you'd give me up, you'd give me up as though as i was nothing to you.
you'd still talk to me, meet me, hug me, kiss me..
but it gradually stopped.
even smses, phone calls.
it became an average of 0.0001 per week.
you said i was giving you stress, i was bothering you.
you said you didn't have time for me.
i would get it if you really were busy..
but no you're not.
i'm not gna say it out here.

i know everyone thinks im alright.
i know everyone thinks ive gotten over it.
i know everyone thinks ive forgotten.
but no i have not.
its just that no one reads this blog.
and partly because no one reads this blog, then only can i voice out my feelings this clearly.
but it also just shows that no one cares.

the posts on my twitter and facebook,
they're NOTHING compared to my feelings.

. . .

I will no longer trust,
I will no longer believe.
For nothing is everlasting, and nothing someone else says is ever real.
I've learnt my lesson for giving my all, I've learnt my lesson for even trying, I've learnt my lesson for even putting in any effort.
Yeap, I've learnt alright.
I'll never make the same mistakes again.
Those sweet nothings never last for long.
They only last till the new gets old.
They only last till they find something new.

Everytime i promise myself that I'll stop trying, I'll stop holding on..
But i can't seem to do that.
I don't know why.
I feel more as a whole trying to hold on.
If i don't, if you don't even reply me, I feel so empty, so restless that i feel like just staying at home and rotting on my bed doing nothing.

And right,
I've realised that;
If you wna have love, you'll need money.
Only money can sustain a relationship in the long run, only money can keep it going.
:) Cheers everyone.
If you have no money... just give up on love.

Oh and right.
One last VERY IMPORTANT THING.
Don't trust anyone but yourself.
I repeat again.. DON'T trust ANYONE but yourself.
Even the one you thought you know the best, the one that's the closest to you.. DON'T TRUST.

I know

I know I didn't treat you well over the past dew years.
but I realized that you're the only one I truly love.
everyone can see how much I've changed.. but why not you?
I've become such an introvert, I hate mixing around with others, I hate socializing, I even dislike going out often.
I'm th COMPLETE opposite of who I used to be.
and you're the only one who's oblivious.
you only know your own pain and you only look at the devil inside of me.
I don't think you've clearly taken a look of who I really am.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

mixed

I'm so tempted to call you and spam smses.
but you said you'd change your number if I bothered you.
I wna know how you spent your days and such, I miss you so bad.
I spend my day thinking about you, but trying to occupy myself so that I wouldn't, and so that i wouldn't feel anything.
but it's just sooooo damn difficult.
everything just reminds me of you.
I wish I suffer from memory loss. I really do.
I hope something happens.....
bye.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]